It’s A When Not An If

Malcolm Middleton

I don’t know about you, but I like the idea of the Christmas Number 1 being a song called ‘We’re All Going To Die’. And this year we all have the chance to make this dream a reality!

One of MPT’s favourite artists, Malcolm Middleton, is releasing the fabulous electro stomper as the final single from the equally fabulous ‘A Brighter Beat’ LP with the stated aim of taking the coveted Xmas number 1 spot. And MPT reckons that all music fans should go out and buy the song to help him do just that.

In days of yore, of course there wouldn’t be the slightest chance in hell of such a record making number 1 because, simply put, there wouldn’t be enough copies made of the single to do that. And the bookies have the song at 1,000-1 to top the charts this year. But in the download era when a DJ can promote a single from 10 years ago into the charts, anything is possible if people get behind it.

And the possibilities for a video are surely endless – how about Malky performing the song in a Christmas grotto whilst all around him various elves meet a sticky end in a variety of mundane and grisly ways?

Malky’s website says:

“Dying is a bit like writing a letter to Santa,” he says, “Unless you’ve been a good boy or girl, you’re fucked.”

And you can’t help but agree.

So if there’s already a campaign out there to achieve this aim, then MPT is right behind it. If not, then could my 2 regular readers help get this one rolling?

‘We’re All Going To Die’ gets a digital only release on 17th December.

Mr Middleton plays the following pre-Christmas dates with his band:

23/11 National Toneel Building, The Hague, Netherlands

05/12 ABC, Glasgow (with Make Model & The Phantom Band)
06/12 Liquid Rooms, Edinburgh (with Make Model & The Phantom Band)
08/12 All Tomorrow’s Parties, Minehead
09/12 Scala, London (with Make Model)
10/12 Academy 3, Manchester (with Make Model)

‘A Brighter Beat’ (sure to feature near the top of MPT’s end of year round-up) is still available here. If you don’t already own it, you should and here is the title track to help convince you of this fact.

Malcolm Middleton – ‘ A Brighter Beat’ (from ‘A Brighter Beat’) [Buy it]

His new mini-LP ‘A Sleight of Heart’ is out in February.


  1. Ed says:

    let’s do it. and if anyone says that a sad song cannot get to No. 1 at Christmas, we’ve had Michael Jackson’s Earth Song and Mad world, so why not? From little acorns…

  2. Spread the word, Ed! Looks like we might be up against Led Zep as well as the X-Factor …

  3. Ed says:

    Have started spreading the word by doing a big post on 17 Seconds. Have you got in touch with And before the First Kiss, the Vinyl Villain and Song, By Toad, who might all be sympathetic?


  4. Hi Ed

    Sorry, been away celebrating my birthday – all will be revealed shortly.

    Saw your post from work yesterday – nice one. I’ve emailed JC and Matthew but haven’t had a chance to see if they’ve done anything with it yet since I’m just in the door.

  5. Ed says:

    Just in case you hadn’t heard…

    Radio 1 has got behind the campaign and the odds have been slashed from 1000-1 to 500-1. That’s what I call progress.

  6. Fabulous news, Ed, but is it cynical to suggest that the intelligentsia have researchers scanning the blogs for good ideas? Still the song’s the thing. Let’s keep spreading the word.

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