Ahead of their last appearance at the Cool Cat Club, I suggested to Andy and Graeme that they might like to interview each other to create a unique Hookers for Jesus interview.

“That would be weird.” reckoned Andy.

But for the final entry in the Outsourced Christmas series that’s exactly what they’ve done. Or at least they’ve gone halfway inasmuch as Andy’s interviewed Graeme … and himself!

 What does Christmas mean to you?

A – I guess it means different things at different times. I used to love it up until a few years ago. I like choosing presents for people and putting a lot of thought and effort into the process but in recent years I’ve began to find it all a bit stressful. There are nice bits as well such as catching up with friends who have moved away and time off work.

G – Not as much as it did. Means less every year.

How will you be spending Christmas this year?

A – With family and loved ones wondering if it’s remotely decent behaviour to undo the top button of my trousers in someone else’s house.

G – Drunk and online, most likely.

What is your favourite Christmas song?

A – Oh, that depends what mood I’m in. I love stuff like Phil Spector’s Christmas album and a Motown Christmas but I’m really attracted to stuff that’s more sardonic and less respectful of the genre and the entire shebang. I’m pretty promiscuous in terms of ‘favourite’ songs, they ebb and wane. However, I can’t see past The Pogues and Kirsty McColl’s ‘Fairytale of New York’. It’s witty, bittersweet and a roaring great song. Rudolph and the Gang’s ‘Here Comes Fatty Clause’ made me laugh this year.

G – One of them will be performed at the Cool Cat Club on the 14th December, so come if you want to hear that one. The other which sticks in my mind is by Tsuki Amano and is called “Merry Tiger”. Don’t ask. It just is.

Plus there is “I love Xmas” by Tommy Heavenly6 which features the Christmas Panda in the video.

And the worst?

A – There are far too many to list and you’ll have heard them all endlessly in recent weeks in shops, on cable music channels and daytime radio. All glib sentiments and enforced cheer. Things I can’t stand. Probably summed up by Paul McCartney’s dreadful efforts in this department. I’ve had the misfortune of working in retail over the festive period and have been subjected to all kinds of festive horror.

G – I stock up on cello music for Christmas so I don’t have to hear Christmas songs if I don’t want to. I can avoid the worst.

What makes a great Christmas song? Have you ever considered writing one?

A – See above. I’d love to write a Christmas song but feel it would have to come at it from a new angle. Just doing something with sleighbells attached just isn’t enough. We’re covering one on the 14th but will write our own one day.

G – The right feel and arrangement makes a song a great Christmas song. Have considered writing one as there were sync options about October looking for such tracks, but I’d not written any.

What is the best Christmas gift you have ever received?

A – I think it would be mean to have preferences, I love getting gifts. However, I still get great mileage out of my Nuggets 4 CD box set of garage punk classics I received a few years ago. As a kid it was probably the first computer I had, a ZX81 with a 16K Ram pack. I was addicted to it and despite the fact that it is now a prehistoric museum piece I still have fond memories of it.

G – A Fonz action figure with motorbike.

And the strangest or worst?

A – I don’t think I’ve had any memorably bad ones. I’ve had some strange ones such as the Margaret Thatcher nutcracker from my friend Chris which is highly entertaining. When we were children, my two brothers and I received matching blue and yellow tank tops from my gran which had a face waving on each side with ‘Hello’ on the front and ‘Goodbye’ on the back. We had to wear them on the day as my gran was visiting. Being the cruel older brother I joyfully informed my siblings that I’d soon outgrow mine and be able to pass it on.

G – A ukulele which was the same make & colour as one owned by a friend. So we decided to name these ukulele twins Evelyn and Evelyn.

Do you prefer Christmas or Hogmanay?

A – Used to always be Hogmanay. Christmas could be a bit fretful coming from a fairly big family, Hogmanay was always time for your friends.

G – Ideally, Halloween but you don’t give me that choice. At least Christmas is more colourful with less chance of being assaulted by Scottish Trad. Songs, starting and ending on the same hellish chord cadence, played on Accordians or bagpipes, at events.

Do you make New Years resolutions?

A – I vaguely think about it and then don’t bother.

G – If I do, I make them on my actual birthday, (which is a proper personal new year beginning), not when someone suggests I should because of a calendar change. Makes more sense in a linear time fame, if you think about it.

Do you have a festive message for anyone reading this?

A – Take time out to be with your friends and loved ones but remember, they are important all year round. Oh, and Hookers for Jesus aren’t just for Christmas, they are for life!

G – Yeah, ok. “Whatever you do, don’t be a dick about it”

The Cool Cat Club’s Christmas bash is this Friday and is being promoted in cahoots with Monster-A-Go-Go. Three bands, -The Won Over, an expanded Hookers For Jesus line-up and the Blood Indians are playing alongside the Monster-A-Gogo Burlesque Dancers. The Christmas soundtrack will be provided by the Psychotic Reactions DJs (including Duncan).